Korncrake!

Via Manolo, the website of Prof. Dr. Boethius P. von Korncrake, discoursing on jealousy:

“Ach! Herr Professor von Korncrake!” he said with apparent pleasure, leaping to his feet and extending his hand.

“My dear M., it is so very good to see you,” I lied, taking his hand, “how long has it been?”

“It has been too long, Herr Professor, too long.”

I will spare you the rest of the conversation, dear readers. You well know how these things go. “How’s your sister?…Oh, really? Well, she always looked very fecund. And your parents?…That’s too bad…. Do you remember so-and-so?”

Pfui. Better I should stick a toasting fork in my eye.

Of course, this was more difficult than most, as M. (or as he is known in the German press, “the distinguished Herr Prof. Dr. Dr. X”) recounted for me in exquisitely painful detail the numerous triumphs of his meteoric career: a prestigious position, a well-received first book, a second book that became a best-seller in eight languages (including Icelandic), and now a MacArthur “genius” grant.

And I remember him when he was fresh, snot-nosed post-graduate who couldn’t handle a locative declension if his life depended on it.

But, such is life, eh? Turn, turn, turn.