The rest of America looks with suspicion at ...

Some time ago, in the cinema newsgroup that I follow (in the Italian language) someone recounted his travel experience in California. A lively discussion ensued, and at a certain point an user, nickname AP, wrote (all translations are mine)

"(California) is a state looked at with suspicion by the rest of America, because of its different morality and a certain sort of hippy heritage that still survives, full of racial tensions and huge contradictions"

so that another user, Alessandro Coricelli (an italian living in California since quite a bit I understand), responded collecting many commonplaces: here you are his response

"... the rest of America looks with suspicion at Seattle and Portland because it rains too much over there. The rest of America looks with suspicion at New Jersey because there are too many vegetables and the NJ turnpike ... oh boy. The rest of America looks with suspicion at Kentucky because they produce too much whiskey but it has many dry counties as well, a contradiction which is so much huger than all other contradictions. The rest of America looks with suspicion at Wyoming because there is a place over there with the highest summer temperature and the coldest winter temperature and also because they did not yet solve the age-old question on whether it is better sheep or cows, another Kantian contradiction. America looks with suspicion at Pennsylvania because it is not true at all that they are all friends and on top of that the bells are broken. America looks with suspicion at Vermont because it has too many French names and Ben & Jerry are fat. America looks with suspicion at Chicago because they make tall pizza. America looks with suspicion at New Haven because they call pizza 'apizza' and it is too thin anyway. Half of America looks with suspicion at whomever puts beans into chili, the other half at whomever doesn't, while the other half (America has three halves because 3 is the perfect number) complains because 'can't we all get along?'. The rest of America looks with suspicion at New York because if you ask how to get to Carnegie Hall they answer 'practice, practice, practice.' The rest of America looks with suspicion at Nashville because the Parthenon is not on top of a hill."

Well, I found it amusing.