WHEREAS = Sheer Hilarity

I suggest reading the following exerpt with a Keanu Reeves voice:

WHEREAS, The 49ers have not had a winning season since 2002; and,

WHEREAS, Many bars and restaurants depend on football fans for their income and are negatively impacted by the 49ers not making it to the playoffs again; and,

WHEREAS, Mike Holmgren, head coach for the Seattle Seahawks began his career as a celebrated football coach at Lincoln High and has strong, long-term ties to San Francisco football fans; and,

WHEREAS, [blah blah blah]

WHEREAS, The Seattle Seahawks achieved a 16-3 regular season record and thus have a good shot of winning Super Bowl XL; and,

....

Read the rest here, if you like. [via Mike Sando]