USS Mariner Off-Season Analysis

The internet, and as it turns out baseball fandom, is full of nerds: Bill Bavasi's Off-Season Adventure.

OFFSEASON ADVENTURE

You are in an open offseason in your office in the headquarters of a successful west coast baseball team. It is dark and raining here. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
There is a suitcase here.
There is a neatly stacked set of travel documents here.

> examine documents

You have been booked on a ten PM redeye flight from Seattle to Naples, Florida. There is a long layover in Atlanta.

> Oh, no.

I don't understand that.

An staffer enters your office.
"Sir? I'm ready to drive you to Seatac. Oh, Lee says that the Cubs signed Aramis Ramirez."

> examine Aramis Ramirez signing

Aramis Ramirez signed for $75m over 5 years.

> what?

You must supply a direct object.

> are you kidding me?

I don't understand that.

Hilarious (to me) and true!